If only I hadnt put on that little black dress. Perhaps that wouldve saved this one for me. I mean, not only did I put on the little black dress, the one cutjusttothere. I did the hair. I put on the heels too. Everyone who has that little black dress or is dating someone who does knows what heels I mean. You guys have been in that mood where you really just want to go out- paint the town red like youre Sinatra and are just, as they used to say of kings, in the mood to be pleased, right? Whoever your date is that evening will probably have to make very little effort for you to have a good time, and indeed youre just fine with being the entertainment. I would like to state here and now that I showed up for my date with Steve Erikson with the hair and the dress and the heels in this mood. And it turns out hes that guy. The one who will manage to irritate you no matter how many times you try to grin and change the subject, no matter how many broad hints you might help him out with. As with most dates youve gathered information on solely from the internet and well-meaning friends, he turns up late, it turns out he has lied about his height, is awkwardly insistent on telling you excruciatingly uninteresting stories the entire night while not asking you a single question about yourself, and then is confused when you do not want to see him again.Seriously, I PUT ON HEELS FOR THIS, ERIKSON. (Somehow thats always the most insulting part, isnt it?) Everyone told me you were great! This was supposed to be my happy fun vacation time with a happy fun book that I could geek out with my friends about and finally have something to talk about with them that did not involve Foucauldian analysis, Marxist delusions, academic drama or a thesis of any kind! But nooooo. Instead someones evil twin shows up and now I have to awkwardly tell all these people I like that I do not like their favorite book.Its just that this isnt a good book! And not even that it's not good in some literary way. It is clearly not good in that way, and it isnt meant to be. I dont hold it to that standard. It does seem to me to be trying to be good in a more old fashioned way more typical for fantasy- it just wants to tell a rollicking good story. But I mean it is a bad story. I like stories. Thats why I read fantasy, in large part- I like that feeling of the archetypal coming to life in an interesting way that shows the inner workings of the recurring characters that I see everywhere in my reading. I like that sensation of a campfire at night and a bard repeating the history of a people, with flickering flames and drama and shadows and pronouncements that you can only take seriously in that setting and which youd feel obliged to laugh at in the morning. This is a bad story. Its cool that Erikson doesnt need to spend a hundred pages explaining every detail of his world to us (and given how complicated it is, thank GOD for that), but the reader shouldnt have to stop reading many times in order to try to straighten out whats going on, who are these random people that keep showing up, how does this new demon or magic fit into anything, and most importantly, all important, why on earth should I care?Erikson definitely did not manage to make me care. Its largely a function of the fact that there is such a huge cast of characters, and he spends so little time developing any of their personalities. When there is some sort of inner reflection by a couple of them, or feelings, it seems shunted in there to give his epic quest one of the elements an epic is supposed to have- it feels like hes impatient with people being, you know, people, and would rather get back to telling me about this super cool magic battle with a demon he just invented that just popped out of nowhere. It was almost like people were necessary vehicles for him to create his fantasy world, but that cool names, and Houses and ranks (Son of Darkness, Knight of Darkness, Queen of Light) were the real point of the whole thing. People are there for him to be able to have fights. Honestly? It seemed like it was kind of constructed like an RPG game a lot of the time. Here is an action sequence. After this, your hero may explore this world and pick up coins and treasure to increase his value, there is an epic quest, but you can choose to get sidetracked by a bunch of others that involve various gods and spirits. Then in between each quest theres that part where the game stops to give you an expository scene that advances the plot and you just watch, and then you take control back and go on to the next action sequence. Eventually you come back to the big quest and kill off the Big Bad and YAY YOU WIN! I can certainly see the appeal of this construction as a game, but I think as a book it doesnt work so well, at least, not for me.It certainly didnt help that in addition to the off putting construction and the poor character development, the dialogue was absolutely laughable (incredibly stereotypically exactly what satirists make bad fantasy writing sound like), the plot was ridiculous, he pulled a new thing out of his ass every five pages because well.. because... His world building was incomplete, too. It felt like you could never trust it because he could just change it on you a minute later because he felt like it. He doesnt hold himself to any rules. Its like when youre trying to make up an excuse on the fly for why you were late for something: I forgot my keys, and then I got caught in a traffic jam, and then I passed that and there was some truck that had dumped bunnies on the roadway and I had to help save the poor things, and then I was almost here when all of a sudden Elvis appeared from the dead, riding an elephant and well thats why Im late and its totally okay! Theres no suspense because the main characters are sure to be resurrected (the alternate dimension rebirth had me laughing so hard I was crying), and the bad ones are either off screen, introduced late, or dumb. Theres some attempt at shades of grey with one character (the Adjunct) but he tells me what the point is, straight out, about five times, just to be sure that I get it, and its not that interesting a point anyway so it kind of ruins it. I liked the climactic end battle, but I swear to you even while that battle was going on, he was introducing new magic and people and not just going with the hundreds he already had after 600 pages of setting things up. If an author feels the need to do that instead of relying on the payoff from the 600 pages he already has not good news. Not good news at all.I dont know, I almost kind of feel bad saying all this. It feels like Im making fun of someone whos just so excited to tell me about all this cool stuff he thought of that he forgot to put it in a coherent order. It doesnt mean that the individual ideas he thinks of cant be cool, he just hasnt figured out the other stuff he needs to make it interesting as well as cool. But still lest we forget. HEELS, ERIKSON. HEELS.Yeah, still not over that. Next date, if there is a next date (Im sensing some peer pressure coming my way from my crafty friends), Im showing up in sweats, half tired and in the mood to watch reality TV. Something tells me things might go better that way.

full review now up5/5 Buddy read with my soul sister and my pals at BB&B Ambition is not a dirty word. Piss on compromise. Go for the throat. So I have stared at my phone screen for approx 96 hours trying to think of a review for this and I'm still left speechless, so I have vomited up some words for y'all to enjoy, if you want a proper review check Eriksons GR page there's only 3,000 of them...Too many regrets. Lost chancesand with each one passing the less human we all became, and the deeper into the nightmare of power we all sank. What even was this confusing mess of a book? I'll tell you what it was a goddamn masterpiece. I'm not even lying when I say that if you haven't read this you are missing out, if you call yourself a fantasy fan but you haven't started this series, well you must have something wrong with you. This was an epic ride and the actual bible of badassery. I love everything about this book. Erikson is clearly a genius to think of something so complex and unique. I was extremely apprehensive going into this book due to some statements from a few friends, apparently this book is confusing and the weakest of all ten. If this is the weakest then the rest must be so amazing that they are illegal to read, due to causing heart attacks from badassery overload. I'll be the first to admit I did find it confusing, but around page 50 I was able to follow the storyline, it's exactly what I expected from a world so large. The POV's switch back and forth and there's honestly like a 100 main characters, so yes it did get extremely overwhelming but the plot was so good that I didn't give a damn if I was confused, hell half the time I had no idea what was going on but I was okay with it because it was SO GODDAMN GOOD. Like it even had a puppet sorcerer. Not even joking that's how strange and epic this book is.But what really drew me in was the immense world building with so much attention to detail, the details weren't over kill so I enjoyed reading all the descriptions (so unlike me). I could imagine everything vividly while reading. I also need to talk about that perfect and clever writing, Erikson is so fucking talented that it's ridiculous. High house shadow, and a knife in the dark. A new game's begun, or the old one's just turned.The characters? well there was many and when I say many I'm not even joking. A few stood out to me and I'm currently storing them in my book boyfriend harem. My favorite of all was Toc the Younger, I really have a thing for disfigured men I just find them so goddamn precious so i adored my one eyed solider. fanart by Zsoszy on deviantart Toc the Younger, last representative of the Claw on Genabackis, one-eyed and half his face scarred by fire.I also love the marshmallow aka Kruppe. I loved his POV & I also loved his third person talk.Rake was probably the most badass character ever created.Anomander Rake, Lord of the Tiste Andii, who are the souls of Starless Night. Rake, the Mane of Chaos.One thing I found extremely annoying was in the ebook edition Toc's name on nearly every page was spelt incorrectly.. Here's a few examples.Lorn smiled. 'You'll be sharing it for the next few days, Toe the Younger. We've a long walk to Pale.''Six, seven days,' Toe said. 'I expected you to be mounted.And another..Toe's frown deepened, then he sat forward, his every muscle tensingAnd again..And I was, for a time. Tell me, Toc the Younger, am I speaking to a Claw, or to a soldier of the Second?'Toe's eye narrowed. 'That's a tough question.And again.Toe's expression was grimHonestly my expression would be grim if I was called toe aswell. Sometimes I thought it was a new character named toe, but it was in reality just horrible editing.. Get your shit together editors !And if my screaming and fan girling isn't enough to get you to read this book then your the one who needs to be punched. Recommended to all adult fantasy fansPreview;Okay so this book promises lots of blood, death & heart shattering goodness.BRING IT THE FUCK ON! Like I have HUGE expectations & this better contain badassery.If this meme is incorrect I will punch someone.New note: The meme was actually incorrect so now I feel stabby. I was not shocked or saddened enough in this book and that was my only issue.

This was a tough book to get into.There is no spoon-feeding here. You are thrown into the world that Erikson created with no back story or explanation. Although there is a glossary of important terms and people. I suggest putting it to good use, like I did.Nothing is clear from the start, but once you start getting invested and reading between the lines, you start to notice how truly amazing this book is. There are a lot of characters, and despite finishing this mammoth book I feel like I have barely begun to scratch the surface of who they are.However there is a lot of action, and it is done well. After struggling with the start of the book I suddenly found I could not put it down. Stick with it. It will be worth it. I truly enjoyed this book and can't wait to read the next one!